Princess's letter

To the one I love and still love,

I wrote this after we broke up. Therapy? Maybe… but here you’ll know what’s inside my heart and my mind.

Day one, the start of our relationship, I thought that I made a good impression on you. It seemed like we can talk for hours! Funny, I felt like highschool again. I felt that this might be ‘it’, though I have to be careful. Your situation is kinda messed up. So the only thing I had in mind was to make you realize what you need.

Days passed and I fell for you, I tried to clear my head but you told me you love me. It’s very rare for a person like me to be loved by someone as a different person, not like a member of the family nor a friend, but the one that you will spend your life with. I accepted it knowing all the consequences. You made sure that you will clean up so everything will be okay. Now, it’s different. My goal is to make you happy for the rest of your life with me.

We talked everyday since it’s the only way we can address the issue of distance. I made sure that my phone will be with me always. We were crazy! Everyday seemed like Christmas to me. We made plans for the future, whether realistic or farfetched. Who cares?! We love each other.

We had been on our wit’s end not to hurt each other. And it’s not hard for me not to look around for the right person because you promised me that you love me. I held on to that very much. I already have the right person for me. I knew I love you no matter what happens. Even if the word ‘libido’ jumps out of our vocabulary, I will still love you. I listened to every word you said, tried to understand everything you do because I love you. Even if you did something wrong, I tried to make you understand what you have done and forgive you, because I really loved you.

You are very special to me.

I only realized it now that I, unknowingly, gave my heart full-reign of my everyday life especially with you. I intended to use my brain and my heart but the love I felt was so powerful that it let my heart have the upper hand. I always imagine you whenever we talk as if I can see you with my heart. I don’t know how but there seemed like there’s a direct line from my heart extending to you. My heart’s like an alarm. If we are happy and content, it’s calm and peaceful. If something’s wrong, it goes haywire. Haha! I know that you’re still spooked by this one but it is true. I can see with my heart. It seemed like my heart’s very sensitive to the people I love.

Everyday, we always do the same things but I never get tired of doing it. It’s like a routine, but a very happy routine. I liked it. I loved every moment of it until something came up.

I never thought that it will be like this. It never entered my mind that I have to let you go. It’s not easy for me. I thought that I did great. But I have to let you go. If I were to choose, I don’t want you to go. I want you to be with me until we are old, so old that we even can’t move nor speak, just look at each other and feel content. But it’s not me who will choose. The decision rests on your hand and you already made one. I just needed you to say it for me to move on. I am so sorry that I have to let your promise go that you will love me no matter what. Hell, it’s painful, I do love you so much, though I have no options.

I hope I made you happy. I wish that I will still be the one that will make you happy as your love for the rest of your life. I hope I did not fail you. I hope that I have done the only thing in my mind from the beginning, that you realized what you need.

Ian